amelia carolyn

Early last week I received an email from a friend asking me to help out another friend who is working on a school project about serving others and being touched by others’ acts of kindness. I was directed to this blog and asked to share a short story about an experience I’d had.

It took me a few days of thinking about this to post, but I finally wrote. It was such a cool exercise for me, that I wanted to share my thoughts here, as well as provide a link to the site for anyone else to contribute and participate in the project.

I appreciated the reminder to notice and thank those that help out and offer kindness and service to others, and wanted to pass it along. So here is my original post with a few minor adjustments for this blog: 

I love this idea and when I first read about it, I opened the comments page, ready to write. I set my hands on the keys and nothing. Nothing came to me. I stared blankly at the page in confusion. I felt so grateful for so many things in this world and my life… and I couldn’t come up with even *one* example of an act of kindness and service to share?

I left the page open on my computer as a reminder, and have spent the past couple of days thinking about and mulling over what service means to me and how I define it, trying to come up with examples and a story.

So, after a few days of pondering and a beautiful and foggy morning run, here’s what I’ve come up with:

For me, service and serving others is woven throughout my day. It comes in many different names and appears in many different forms. From compassion, acknowledgement, kindness and thoughtfulness, to going beyond expectations and reaching out with consciousness and deliberateness. 

I see it when someone lets me into a crowded lane on the highway. I know it when I look into the eyes of a homeless man, smile and say, “hi,” acknowledging his existence as a member of the human race, even if I cannot give him a dollar. 

I feel it within the community I live. When I, or a friend takes a risk and is admired and encouraged for that leap of faith… even if we fail (actually, especially when we fail). The knowledge that others believe in us and find inspiration in our perseverance and determination is a service to us and everyone. It creates an environment where it’s safe to grow and expand. This happens when someone starts a new company or business; begins a blog; starts writing a book; goes back to school; or takes up a new sport. The silent support and encouragement is a beautiful feeling.

Service happens when someone cares enough to give us feedback or criticism, or points out when we’ve been tactless. It happens when we take a moment of our time to post a comment to a blog to help someone out with a project. And it happens when we offer up that prime parking spot in the front to someone who is rude and in a hurry.

I know it when I stop running during a race to pick up someone else’s trash that had fallen. I know it when I remember someone’s name and it makes them feel important and seen-they know they are part of something. I know it when I used to talk with my grandmother before she passed and heard the same stories and had the same conversations over and over, yet responded with patience and love and interest. 

I feel it when I’m tired from a day of shopping and just want to be home and a stranger smiles at me and I’m reminded that there are reasons to smile. I feel it when a friend buys a coffee or breakfast for me… just because.

And when, a few weeks ago, my fiance took hours out of an already busy day to set up a re-fueling station for me on a long run, and then sat for another hour that same day, waiting to run with me for an hour, simply because he loves me and supports my goal, took my breath away and overwhelmed me with gratitude.

There are large and small gestures of service every day in our lives. Some are easy to see and acknowledge… others are more subtle. We don’t always know when a smile, or a kind word makes a difference in someone’s life.

I love reading all the stories here and look forward to more. Thank you for encouraging us to think about and acknowledge the power of simple kindnesses. 

What do you think? What does service mean to you? How have you been effected? Feel free to comment here, or click on the links above and add your story.

I trail run. A lot, it seems, these days. When I started running eight years ago, I tended to dread it. Then I went off-road and found exactly what I didn’t know I was looking for: peace. fun. challenge. patience. and a little bit of zen.

As my life shifted into new territory recently (I moved, left a secure job for an opportunity to find a career I was passionate about, got engaged and started the wedding-planning process), the trails in the foothills of Boulder have been instrumental in helping me focus my energy, maintain a semblance of sanity, and find that ever-elusive balance.

On a recent long run, parallels between the current challenges I was experiencing on that particular trail, and the challenges and fears I was working to overcome in my professional life began to emerge.

Know your goal, but you don’t need to know every little thing about the path you’re on.
We’ve all been there. We want to know exactly where we’re going; how long it’s going to take; what it’s going to look like when we get there; and how we’re going to feel. Some of us are a little less relaxed about this than others, but we’ve all learned the same lesson: Not knowing everything can be good. Why?

Our minds stay open to possibilities and opportunities. We become (and stay) more flexible when things don’t go as planned. A better way to go about it and reach your goal might just appear before you (if you’re looking).

Prepare for your journey, but don’t overdo it.
Remember your first backpacking trip with the 60 lb. pack? Or your first international trip with two (or maybe three) suitcases? You wanted all your comfort items and were determined to have everything you needed on hand “just in case.” I’m guilty.

Make sure you have the essentials dialed in. Your business plan. Knowledge of the product or service you’re offering and an ability to actually articulate it to others. A rain jacket in your pack. Enough food and water (plus a little extra).

But too much weight can, well, weigh you down (I couldn’t help myself). Feeling compelled to have all the “right” materials before officially announcing your new company to the world can leave you with missed opportunities to network and get the word out.

Learn (and trust) that you can start with less and expand as you move forward. Finding that magic balance of supplies, knowledge and gear might take some time, but know that it’ll never be perfect, so get to where it’s “good enough” and go for it. 

It might seem like your goal is far away, but trust in the process of the journey.
It’s closer than you think. I do this all the time when I’m approaching a summit. I stand at the bottom of the trail looking up and think to myself, “I’m never gonna get there.” Yet I make it. And along the way I find myself taking in the smell of the pine needles, the color of new blooms or the sound of crunching snow on the way up.

We’re an impatient species. We seem to shrink away from the tedium of an approach, only to feel depressed when we actually get to the summit. We made it and forgot to enjoy it because we were so concerned we weren’t going to make it. Trust that you’ll get there and remember to be where you are.

Remember to look where you’re going.
Manage the details of your journey, but don’t forget to look up once in awhile. Keep your eye on the rocks and terrain before you, but make sure you remember to stay on trail. When you do look up you’ll notice the brilliance of the sun and the way the wind moves through the trees. It’ll remind you why you’re on this path in the first place.

Take baby steps when you’re going uphill.
It takes less effort than an all-out run and it’s easier to stop. Running uphill is tough. And counterintuitively, it can often take more energy than walking—and be a lot less efficient. The same thing happens when we’re in a tough spot at work.

I know I often over think whatever seems to be going wrong. I invest so much energy into worry and frustration that I forget that sometimes going a little slower is okay. Taking a breath, making time to slow down often ends up saving me time.

We all know it, but stuck in the moment, it’s difficult to remember. When we rush into a tough challenge, we’re at a higher risk for falling down or making a mistake. And those mistakes made at warp speed can be doosies!

Get into the rhythm when you’re going down.
At those moments when things aren’t going well and you know you’re falling, go with the flow. When we try to slow it down, stop or otherwise control momentum, we’re at a higher risk of injury. When we move with the flow, it tends to be a softer landing.

Breathe deep and let your legs guide you. Trust yourself. We all fall at some time or another. It’s okay and it’s expected. We just need to remember to pick ourselves up and move on with grace and humility. Others admire those who take failures in stride. Just tuck and roll…

Tell someone when you’re out alone.
Having someone at home supporting you and knowing what to do if you get into trouble is important. They’ll know when to call in the troops if you need it; and will support you in your goals.

Trying to do everything by yourself can be tiresome and draining. Even just knowing someone’s home, cheering you on from the sidelines, can help keep your perspective and energy.

Take a moment to stop and look where you’ve come from.
Success can creep up on us. One day we step out of the house for our first 3-mile run, coming home tired and sore. And the next time we look, we’ve covered 31 miles of tough, vertical terrain in one day. Or we stand on the summit of a mountain, looking over the vastness of the land before us and see a bird in flight far below.

How did we get here? When did this happen? I’m constantly amazed every time I climb a summit to look down at the trail below and know I’d just been there. The first time I actually ran up an incline on a trail I was stunned. How did I get so strong? Wasn’t it just yesterday I was huffing and puffing my way up? Stopping every few feet to catch my breath?

Recognize your progress and honor it. Success comes to us each and every day, in a myriad of forms and experiences. Take a moment to notice.

I want wrinkles. Yep. I know. I’m weird. But it’s true. I don’t mind the idea of getting more wrinkled as I get older.

a little history
I’ve spent a lot of time with older folks. I had really close relationships with both my grandmothers. I worked at a nursing home for three years in my early 20s and I spent another 5 years contracting with assisted living facilities and nursing homes. I truly enjoy being surrounded by the wisdom and humor of folks over 80 (and really, if you’re not yet approaching or over 80… you’re not old). 

Of course there are the smells, needs, lower energy in some of those environments, but I’ve walked away time and again with a deeper respect and appreciation for life’s experiences. I smile more and recognize all the joys and privileges I have on a daily basis. Things I generally take for granted, I have more gratitude for.

our faces tell a story
One of the most noticeable things about old folks are their wrinkles. And I can generally sense when someone has had a happy life, or if they’ve struggled and blamed the world for their woes. It doesn’t matter if they remember them, or if they can tell you in their own words anymore… you can see it etched in the wrinkles of time.

It may sound hokey and a little new-age-y, but I think it’s true and something we can all afford to be reminded of every once in awhile. Our lives and how we live it are reflected in our faces… and the older we get, the more pronounced they become. 

I recently noticed a few wrinkles appearing between my brows… from squinting in the sun; from expressing dislike; confusion; from crying (often my “default” emotion when stressed); perhaps it’s from simple genetics. I don’t know for sure… probably a combination of all of the above. I don’t want these wrinkles, but I can accept them. 

I want the “kind” wrinkles. The “happy” wrinkles. You know the ones I’m talking about… the ones where it looks like the person is perpetually smiling and finding the joy in each moment. The ones that make you smile when you see them. The ones that crinkle around the eyes and seem to light a sparkle behind them.

I want wrinkles that show satisfaction and pride in the choices I’ve made. I want wrinkles that show compassion and joy for each day. I want wrinkles that reflect the love I’ve received and the love I’ve bestowed on others. I want wrinkles that tell the story of a life lived with grace.

creating wrinkles
So how do I plan to create these wonderful and beautiful wrinkles? I plan to smile a little more often. Laugh more, even when I might not want to. Be conscious of frowning and try not to do it so often. Recognize and remember that life is short… all too often it seems “too” short. Too short to feel frustrated, sad, discouraged or disappointed more times than we’re happy, joyful, enthusiastic and energized. Sure, genetics play a role… but since my genetics seem a little pre-disposed to furrowed brows, I can offer them a little bit of help.

Luckily, my wrinkle-creation goal matches a few other life goals I’m striving to pay attention to: living more in the moment; having and showing compassion and love for myself and others; finding joy in each day; forgiving myself and letting the little things go; laughing and being silly. 

So I surrender to the wrinkles of time and hope that when I’m 95, my face will reflect a life well-lived with joy and with grace.

the “g” word
March has been a busy month for me. It’s been a frustrating training month for a variety of reasons. As some of you know, I have signed up for my first 50-mile trail run. Yep, you read that correctly… 50 miles. 

As part of my training, I recently completed the Moab Red Hot 50K+ on Valentine’s Day. I ran 34 miles and finished strong. It was afterwards that I fell apart. I’m not exactly sure what happened, but logging a total of 70 miles for the entire month of March (that should be my weekly mileage this close to my race), is a clear indication that something isn’t quite right. And it’s certainly not the recommended way to train.

My best guess as to what happened is this: I didn’t put in enough training miles leading up to the 50K, so I didn’t recover as quickly as I’d hoped. I then fell out of the habit of training and continued to put it off. I indulged in making up tons of excuses as to why I couldn’t run (too tired; too busy; too much in pain; too snowy; etc.). Granted, I started a new part-time job in March, began to plan my wedding in ernest, caught a bad cold and was, in general, feeling extremely fatigued and unmotivated. But those are merely excuses and justifications. I made a commitment to myself.

While I was justifying all the missed runs to myself, I was also adding stress because I knew I needed to be running. And not running or training added to my stress levels because of the “G” word.

Guilt.

I knew I wasn’t putting in the mileage I needed. I felt like I’d lost the key to my motivation and commitment. I wasn’t enjoying the runs I did go on. I felt weak. I felt like I was actively failing not only in my training, but in life management. Negativity begets more negativity… a nasty cycle.

permission
So  here is April. Blue skies, spring around the corner and my race exactly one month from today. I am resting today. I have given myself permission to take today off. It’s a tough thing to do. I cannot make up the miles I missed. To even make an attempt to do so is training suicide. I’d run myself into the ground, risking injury and would be fatigued and depleted for race-day. So what to do?

Being a fairly driven woman who believes in staying active and purposeful, I am still learning to juggle multiple jobs and to navigate the balance of self-employment. A day off for me rarely feels like a luxury. It often feels like I should be doing something “useful” or “constructive.” I think about all the projects I have on my “to-do” list. I think of all the things I could be doing to generate an income. I think of all the miles I could be running to make up for the absent miles of March. I don’t feel productive. I don’t feel like I “deserve” the day of rest.

But here’s the thing I know intellectually (but it’s still difficult to execute in reality). I know that giving myself a mental and physical break, or rest day, is essential to increased efficiency and motivation. Running 50 miles is more than a physical effort—It’s a lot of mental strength. And if my brain is mired in guilt and rumination and self-flagellation, that 50 miles will become 100, or 1,000. An impossible length to run because my brain is busy elsewhere (likely telling me I can’t do it).

And with regards to my job, if I work and work and work without a break, and without time to process the thoughts and efforts going into the work, any inspiration and motivation will be overcome with frustration and mis-guided effort. It’ll become harder to get things done. It’ll take more time to get things done because half my brain isn’t there. It’s stuck in the land of guilt.

execution
I’ve given myself permission to take a rest day today. And not only permission, but I scheduled it. I planned on taking today off. It’s a funny thing, scheduling it. It works to ward off the guilt. I was mentally prepared (and even excited) to wake up and do with this day what I wanted.

And here I am, happily getting some things done that have suffered in the past month (my blog, reading, calming the mind). They don’t feel like extraneous or irresponsible things to be doing. 

It feels good to be writing again (I’ve missed it). If feels good to drink my coffee and catch up on my reading. And it’s going to feel really good to curl up on the couch with my current book. 

Tomorrow I will go on my scheduled run. I will catch up on my work emails and cross more things off that to-do list.

I am excited about running again. And I know that while I may suffer a little (or a lot) for not putting in the miles I’d wanted, I will finish the race. I will be present mentally and that’s going to be half the battle. I’ve adjusted my strategy a little to save energy I’ll need. But I will run and I will finish. And I will NOT try to “make up” for March. 

And for the next race, maybe I’ll train a little smarter and a little better.