kilauea falls

This week marks the 6-1/2 month mark here on Kaua’i. Our original plan was six months. We’re here for one more. As I’m learning, Kaua’i pulls you and many people end up staying longer. Sometimes for a month. Sometimes for a lifetime.

There are days it feels like we just got here. There are days that feel like we’ve been here for years. In some ways, I feel like I’m finally ready to be here. Like I just got acclimated and am now prepared to live for six months on a small island. Bracken and I have both joked that now that we have basic surfing skills, we’re finally ready to really learn how to surf.

I came here with a lot of goals in mind. Some I met (I will be a certified life coach next month and I can catch a wave and stand up on a board). And some I didn’t (I burned out on yoga after two months and didn’t really get the whole “slowing down” aspect of living). Yet what I’ve learned here, and experienced here, has become a pretty important part of me.

kaua’i
It’s hard to explain to those who haven’t been here (or lived here for a period of time), but I hear so often that this island tests you. She presents challenges in ways you don’t expect and magnifies them exponentially.

a taste of hawaiian trails

I struggled with the realities of paradise. I imagined (as it seems many do) that life here is easy and amazing. But it’s not always easy. I’m not on vacation.

I came to finally accept the fact that I can have a bad day and that it’s actually normal to do so. Just because the view is amazing and the beach is a five-minute drive away and the weather is temperate (albeit rainy)—it doesn’t mean that every day is about mai tais on the beach and 24-hour sunshine.

Cars break down. Neighbors fight. Good eggs are $7.00 a dozen. Cigarette smoke can filter in through the windows. Refrigerators die. Sometimes two or three times in one month. It can rain 18″ in one day. Or for six weeks at a time. You can still get injured. And you can still miss your family and friends on the mainland.

expectations
As our time here winds down, I find myself letting go of my expectations. I’ve stopped fighting island life and find new comfort in her embrace. The rhythms of the days are settling in. Maybe it’s because there’s a set date of departure that has created the sense of renewed appreciation.

the blue room

I believe in creating awareness around me and the world I live in. And maybe I’m simply more aware of the gifts I have at hand. I have to admit that part of me wants to believe that, on some level, I’ve passed her tests. That Kaua’i has accepted me as worthy of her love. That I’ve paid my dues and have this last month to fully immerse myself in the experience.

I’ve left all expectations. I’ve accepted that it simply is what it is: and that’s an incredibly beautiful and powerful place to be.

hanalei bay pier

magic

The magic of this island is in surrender and acceptance. As I begin to turn my mind towards our next adventure, I plan on taking my lessons and the experience forward.

Kaua’s greatest gift to me was her support throughout my certification process. I arrived here stripped of my old self—old beliefs, identity and labels—open and vulnerable to whatever showed up. I struggled a lot through the process. I cried a lot. I grieved for the past and I embraced the new. I became stronger and more sure of who I am and who I continue to grow into.

Through all the challenges, I have become more of the best in me and let go of what was dragging me down. Kaua’i has provided a solid foundation, at this particular time of my life. Her nourishing energy is solid within me.