“How do I get home,” I asked the agent an hour and fifteen minutes into the call. I was close to tears. She’d been very helpful working with me and another airline to confirm a rebooking for us. It was 3:00am and we were still in Lihue. Our flight had been scheduled to leave at 8:40pm.

I was at my lowest point. On hold for over an hour, only to find out she couldn’t help. I tried to be understanding—I knew the situation. But I just wanted to know where to go when we arrived at LAX.

“How do I get home?” It’s a funny question to have asked. I was moving from Kaua’i back to the mainland with no home to go to. Was I asking her how I get to my final destination (SLC where we planned to stay with my father-in-law for a week or two)?

Or was I asking, in a moment of fragility, a bigger question? What is home? Where can I find that feeling of grounding? Before moving to Kaua’i, I wrote a post about feeling at home whereever you are. It was a post based more on optimism and hope than a reality I knew. It’s a really wonderful sentiment, and I’m still moving toward that reality, but it’s not so easy to come by. As a woman who grew up in the same home for 18 years, it’s an unsettling feeling to move without knowing exactly where you’ll land.

It’s a feeling of limbo. The space between here and there. Shifting habits and routines to fit a new environment; searching for a comfortable and inviting space to work. And the constantly-asked question that others ask as an ice-breaker, “where are you living?” Um… the United States? In a van (that hasn’t been purchased yet)? It’s an awkward question to answer these days.

And that’s what I feel like: Things that felt normal not so long ago seem so very unnatural. Questions I had ready answers to, now make me think twice. Routines I took for granted have disappeared. The next adventure hasn’t begun. I’m floating between what was and what will be. This space between where I’m creating and grieving all at once.

Something good and amazing and wonderful is in the works. It’s exciting and terrifying. The unknown. How will I handle it? With grace? With tact? With confidence? I hope.

We’ll head to Boulder soon—our “homebase,” as I call it. We have things there in storage. We have favorite coffee shops and good friends. We know the trails and how long it takes to get from point A to point B. It’s the best home I know right now, but I’m not sure what it’ll feel like when we get there. Will it still feel like home? Or will it serve as a magnification that I am homeless?

How do I get home? I’m not sure, and I think that’s the lesson. Or at least part of the adventure. We’ve signed on for this. The unconventional and unusual. We’ll figure it out. Home is whereever we are.