June 7, 2010

“how do i get home?”

Posted by Amy C under life experiences, transitions | Tags: , , , |
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“How do I get home,” I asked the agent an hour and fifteen minutes into the call. I was close to tears. She’d been very helpful working with me and another airline to confirm a rebooking for us. It was 3:00am and we were still in Lihue. Our flight had been scheduled to leave at 8:40pm.

I was at my lowest point. On hold for over an hour, only to find out she couldn’t help. I tried to be understanding—I knew the situation. But I just wanted to know where to go when we arrived at LAX.

“How do I get home?” It’s a funny question to have asked. I was moving from Kaua’i back to the mainland with no home to go to. Was I asking her how I get to my final destination (SLC where we planned to stay with my father-in-law for a week or two)?

Or was I asking, in a moment of fragility, a bigger question? What is home? Where can I find that feeling of grounding? Before moving to Kaua’i, I wrote a post about feeling at home whereever you are. It was a post based more on optimism and hope than a reality I knew. It’s a really wonderful sentiment, and I’m still moving toward that reality, but it’s not so easy to come by. As a woman who grew up in the same home for 18 years, it’s an unsettling feeling to move without knowing exactly where you’ll land.

It’s a feeling of limbo. The space between here and there. Shifting habits and routines to fit a new environment; searching for a comfortable and inviting space to work. And the constantly-asked question that others ask as an ice-breaker, “where are you living?” Um… the United States? In a van (that hasn’t been purchased yet)? It’s an awkward question to answer these days.

And that’s what I feel like: Things that felt normal not so long ago seem so very unnatural. Questions I had ready answers to, now make me think twice. Routines I took for granted have disappeared. The next adventure hasn’t begun. I’m floating between what was and what will be. This space between where I’m creating and grieving all at once.

Something good and amazing and wonderful is in the works. It’s exciting and terrifying. The unknown. How will I handle it? With grace? With tact? With confidence? I hope.

We’ll head to Boulder soon—our “homebase,” as I call it. We have things there in storage. We have favorite coffee shops and good friends. We know the trails and how long it takes to get from point A to point B. It’s the best home I know right now, but I’m not sure what it’ll feel like when we get there. Will it still feel like home? Or will it serve as a magnification that I am homeless?

How do I get home? I’m not sure, and I think that’s the lesson. Or at least part of the adventure. We’ve signed on for this. The unconventional and unusual. We’ll figure it out. Home is whereever we are.

 

March 28, 2010

starting something new

Posted by Amy C under expand outdoors, transitions | Tags: , , , |
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It’s always difficult to begin something new. A new sport or a new job… or building a new business (for example).

While here on Kaua’i, I’m building my life coaching practice. So far, I absolutely love it. And Kaua’i has been kind to me. I am beginning to think of my time here as an incubator of sorts. I moved here in October and began my certification program immediately. I will be leaving here at the end of May and hope to graduate June 7. I didn’t plan it that way, but if it works out, it’ll be quite lovely.

I realize starting a business takes time and patience. Here in Hawaii, I figure I’m laying the groundwork and building a solid foundation. I have a lot of ideas and a lot of plans. I keep reminding myself they won’t happen overnight.

I’ve started a blog over at Expand Outdoors and I’d love it (if you haven’t already) if you click over there and take a look. I’m attempting to write a lot more often and there may be some overlap, but I’ll also be experimenting more with my writing here. AmeliaCarolyn isn’t going away.

In the meantime, as I get used to having two blogs, two twitter handles (@ameliacarolyn and @expandoutdoors) and a facebook fan page, my postings here will very likely be a lot more sporadic (not that they haven’t always been fairly sporadic, I admit). I’ll also be posting links to my blog at Expand Outdoors every so often to help get the word out that I’m over there, too. If you like what you read, feel free to pass it along, share with your friends and family.

Here are the latest posts:

March 14: It’s Never Too Late to Play Outside

March 17: Barefoot Hiking

March 19: Links for 3.19.10: Expansion, Inspiration and Motivation

March 22: Creating Awareness and Kicking the Habit of Blah

March 24: Book Review: The Girl’s Guide to Surfing

March 26: Nutrition, Inspiration and a Little Surf Fun: links for 3.26.10

Let me know what you think. Wishing you a wonderful week ahead. Aloha!

 

December 23, 2009

2009: a year in review

Posted by Amy C under climbing, integration, mountain biking, reflections, setting goals, surfing, trail running, yoga | Tags: , , , , , , |
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my annual rite of passage
I have begun the annual ritual of assessing the past year and looking toward the upcoming one in anticipation of what’s ahead. I always enjoy rereading what my annual goals were for the previous year (you can read my goals for this blog here, and my overall 2009 goals here). By the end of 2008, I knew that 2009 would be a big year.

Along with a few specific goals I set for myself (like flossing my teeth and eating my vegetables… both of which, I’m happy to report, saw an increase in activity throughout 2009), each December I think about a word or two that encompasses what the year ahead means to me.

2008 was a year of risk and wonder. 2009 was a year of creating possibility and abundance. As I write this post, my 2010 words are rising to the surface.

my writing goals for amelia carolyn
I realized when reading about the goals I’d set for my blog, I didn’t take my own advice. I didn’t revisit my goals and take time to reassess and revise them. And this December, I’m in a similar place with my writing and blogging goals as I was last December. I have made small steps, but none big enough to allow me to say, “I’ve met my goal.”

I haven’t achieved the frequency or discipline in my writing or posting that I’d set out for myself. And I know that had I read my goals again throughout the year, I would have made some changes. I might have made them a little more realistic considering the life changes I embarked on in 2009. I may have laid out smaller steps.

Writing is a huge part of my life and my dreams. I love the process and clarity I get when I write. And there have been small advances towards my stated goals to blog more and to write with more discipline (and less of writing only “as the mood strikes”). But I have work to do.

Luckily, I don’t believe 2009 was the only pocket of time where that particular goal could thrive. 2009 was a busy year. Lots of pretty big life changes happened in 2009 that took time and energy. In 2010, my writing will become more defined and frequent. I will have more purpose and more substance to my thoughts and posts.

So what took up so much of my energy and focus in 2009, you ask?

what a year!
Here’s a recap of my 2009 experiences:

I got married. July 25 was a fairy-tale day. The weekend filled with family and friends from all over the country was a magical weekend. The 11 months of planning that went into that weekend was exciting, challenging and filled with emotion.

crested butte, co

I ran. A lot. My running season was unexpectedly amazing and awesome. I entered and completed two ultra marathons. The Moab Red Hot 50+K and the Collegiate Peaks 50 miler. I also ran my best Pike’s Peak Marathon three weeks after the wedding and enjoyed a few other fun and challenging trail runs (the Golden Gate Dirty Thirty in June, the Gothic Crested Butte Third Marathon and the Barr Trail Mountain Race in July).

moab red hot 50k+

collegiate peaks 50 mile trail run

pike's peak marathon

I moved to a new state, into a new home, with my new husband. In September I sold my car and began packing. At the beginning of October, we moved all our furniture and most of our possessions into storage. Then Bracken and I moved to the island of Kaua’i, in Hawaii. We have been housed by the generosity of amazing friends and are still adjusting to the experience of reality in paradise.

polihale state park, kaua'i

sea turtle in poipu, kaua'i

sunset at hanalei bay, kaua'i

I embarked on a journey toward a new career and subsequent new business. In September, I became a student at the International Coach Academy, based in Melbourne, Australia. I will graduate in 2010 with a Professional Coaching Certification. I will be a life coach working in the outdoor and fitness industry helping others integrate fitness and sport into their lives. I plan on concentrating on “late-bloomers” like me who are new to sports and fitness and need education and motivation on how to get started and what to expect throughout the journey. (Stay tuned for more information coming in 2010.)

I played. I summited two 14ers (Antero for my annual birthday climb) and Pike’s Peak. I climbed. I bouldered. I ran. I bought a mountain bike and began to learn. I took up surfing. I began a yoga journey (going six times a week).

looking towards the summit of mt. antero

my new mountain bike on the 401 in crested butte

my new surfboard

I began to explore the kitchen. I enjoyed a few cooking lessons. I shopped at the Farmer’s Market. I observed and participated in the cooking process. I plan to write more on this, but for me, enjoying nutrition and preparing meals is a foreign, enticing concept.

an abundance of possibility
Has 2009 truly been a year of possibility and abundance? Definitely. I didn’t make a lot of money as I’d hoped, but I began to build a solid foundation for a new career. The abundance came in the form of love. Of community. Of grace and compassion (from others, mind you… I’m still working on that ‘have compassion for yourself’ mantra). An abundance of experiences, of emotion, of newness.

Possibility seems harder to pin down. Yet it feels like the possibilities presented to me, and the experiences I’ve had this past year, have themselves, been abundant: surprising myself at the Pike’s Peak marathon and placing in my age group; moving to a small island in the middle of the Pacific, miles from anything familiar; exploring a new career and life calling; writing on a variety of topics and experiences.

Life feels wide open in front of me. And maybe that’s what possibility looks like. Vast and open and free.

a year of promise
2010 promises to be a full year. The words that come to mind when I think of all that’s on the horizon for me are words like: grounding. integration. expansion. maybe this is the year for compassion? emergence. discovery. motion.

What’s in store for me? What do I have planned? Lots of goodness and awesome. As much as 2009 was a year of new things and beginnings, it was also a year of building foundations. It was a year where I consciously and deliberately worked to set up a foundation that will support big things to come. Those things may appear in 2010, or 2046. I just don’t know, but I’m building and I’m creating and I’m nurturing my world for my present and my future.

In 2010 my marriage will still be new. We will be exploring the newness and integrating each other deeper into our lives, becoming stronger partners in this life together. We’ll spend time building the framework for our future; our communication; our finances; our habits and preferences. We’ll be sharing our love through the ordinary and mundane, as well as the awesome and magnificent. Or maybe it’s more like we’ll learn to recognize the magnificence hidden in the ordinary. Solidifying our union to stay strong and sure through the many changes and journeys that are ahead of us as individuals and together.

In 2010 my company will launch. And with that, I dream of introducing others (and creating within them) a life-long love affair with the outdoors. I plan on learning a lot more. I plan on putting myself out there and introducing myself to others so they know who I am, and what my mission and goals are (and hopefully by that, I can reach even more people).

In 2010 we plan to return to the mainland, with a good bit of surfing under our belts, to embark on a year-long road trip around the U.S. to climb, mountain bike and run through our country’s celebrated and hidden gems.

In 2010 I want to surf tougher, climb stronger, run longer and bike with enthusiasm (with a little bit of badass thrown in to the mix).

I want to write. A lot. (In my journal; for my personal blog; for my professional blog.) I want to write a book or two (maybe just a short one to begin).

I want to smile more often and connect deeper. I want to love generously, with compassion and grace. I want to walk in confidence and recognize my strengths and gifts, sharing them with the world.

So my words for 2010? Integration and joy seem to resonate with my insides.

Integrating my marriage, my home-within-myself, and my new career into my future. Consolidating my thoughts and ideas onto paper and out into the world. Merging my passion for the outdoors into a career that inspires and motivates others to fall in love with nature.

Joy for the energy and momentum I’m experiencing in my life. Happiness in the simple and humble. Exhilaration in the challenges and transitions ahead. And a childlike exuberance for the travel adventure I’ve dreamed of for many years.

I raise a toast to 2010: A year of integration and joy. Cheers!

 

November 2, 2009

building a solid foundation

Posted by Amy C under integration, observations, setting goals, transitions, yoga | Tags: , , |
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a beginning

a beginning

Yoga is teaching me a lot these days. Building a solid foundation is just one, but it might be the most important thing I learn on this adventure.

life happens
Our move to Hawaii is one of a number of new things in my life. There’s the new marriage, the education and launch of a new career, and a new fitness/workout/nutritional routine. I feel like I’ve swept away aspects of my life that were based on bad habits, or that I’d outgrown, or simply weren’t serving me anymore, and I now have a clean slate to begin building “awesome.”

I’m not saying that my life up to this point has been horrible. Quite the contrary. It’s led me here, and here is—quite frankly—amazing. But I needed a change.

And now, I have before me an incredible opportunity. One where I can very deliberately and consciously create a life that fits me now and paves a path toward a future that feels right.

So often life seems to happen to us. Time goes by and we find ourselves looking back and wondering how we got to where ever it is we are. Maybe we stayed on the path our parents took. Or we assumed that now that “x” had happened, it was time for “y.” And years later we realize that “y” just wasn’t right for us and who told us that that was our path anyway?

Society, influences, assumptions, time—it’ so easy to get caught up in it and forget to ask ourselves key questions every now and again. “What do I want to do with my life?” “Am I living a life I love?” “Is there something more out there that I can do?” “Am I truly happy with the life I’ve chosen?”

It’s easy to forget that time goes quickly. And it’s easy to go through life never realizing that we have the power and ability to create the life we want and dream of.

openness
For me, after realizing I was unhappy with my career last year, I took time to explore and discover what I wanted to do. I started a company that spun off from my marketing career, thinking I would enjoy that until I found my true passion. Although there were aspects I truly enjoyed, the overall excitement and motivation I was hoping for was absent. However, what it did help me to do is identify what I didn’t want to do (which is actually quite valuable information).

Once I realized that I needed to focus my energy on figuring out what I did want to do, I stayed open to whatever was presented. I noticed what inspired me. I paid attention to what lit up my eyes and kept me talking. What was it that made me smile? Think? What brought out my passion? What books did I read? What articles and blogs did I enjoy?

A month before moving here, I chose a new career path. I committed to going through a certification program to become a life coach, and my intuition hints that this is only the beginning of something amazing. The classes I’m taking and the certification is only the first step. There is more to be done in my life and more to accomplish. The possibilities are vast and open.

shaking things up
It’s great to have a path and direction in life that feels good. It’s a heady feeling filled with excitement and motivation. But there are challenges ahead. And as with anything new, your foundation is what everything else is built upon.

There are wonderful things in store for me, but I need to maintain my vision of where I’m headed amidst all the change. How do I do this? How can I prevent myself from falling into the same ruts and same routines I’m familiar (and frankly quite comfortable with)? How does one build a new foundation at the age of 36?

Hanalei Bay, Kaua'i

Hanalei Bay, Kaua'i

For starters, I’ve moved to Kaua’i. Thousands of miles away from a home I’ve known for 14 years. I am on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Romantic and exotic? Sure. Challenging and a little bit scary? Absolutely!

But what I love most about it is the chance to begin. Fresh. New. I am shaking up long-held beliefs and patterns in my life. I am rebuilding.

the wisdom of yoga
One of the other big changes I’m making here in Kaua’i is taking a hiatus from running—my sure-fire cure for emotional turmoil—and committing to yoga every day except Sundays. Over 150 days of exercise that will break down my body, cleanse toxins from my system and will challenge every cell, molecule, muscle fiber, tendon and ligament throughout my body to be stronger.

The postures and flexibility won’t happen overnight. It won’t happen in one week, but over time, I will have altered my alignment, my overall health, endurance, strength and flexibility.

As I embark on week four, I’ve realized that yoga has much to teach. Not only with my body, but in my approach to all things new.

building a strong foundation
In yoga, one cannot be successful in any posture without a solid foundation. Balance and strength begin in the feet. The connection of the feet to the ground must be balanced. The legs engaged and strong. The core muscles solid, supporting the back and head. The arms and hands firm and stable. The head straight and the eyes focused.

Without a solid foundation throughout the entire body, moving into new postures, or moving deeper within a posture is difficult. And if you move too early, you can fall, or simply not get the benefit the posture was designed to give.

And if you have a solid foundation and push deeper, you have more resources for balance and success.
There are two key lessons I’ve learned in yoga that I hold onto during class, that have begun to transfer into other areas of my life as I approach new changes and growth:

  • build and keep my foundation strong.
  • relax into it.
P1040462_2

standing bow

starting slow
For the first full week of yoga, I didn’t push my postures or go fully into them (even the ones that are easier for me). I focused on my feet and my balance. I went close to the edge of my comfort and then backed off.

Why not push through? Because having a solid foundation—in yoga and pretty much anywhere in life—allows you to build a strong structure so when you’re ready to take a leap, you can. In yoga, it strengthens your muscles and creates the awareness of what you need to do to stay grounded. In life, it strengthens your mind and your relationships and creates the awareness you need for what the future might bring.

It takes patience and discipline, but is well worth it when you’re struggling and you fall (which you will at times). If your foundation is strong, you can return to it, rest there, gather your energy and build upon it. If there is no foundation; if you go into a full-blown balancing posture and waver, you’ll not only fall, but risk hurting yourself.

As I begin moving into the postures deeper, I am grateful for the foundation I have built. I can feel the internal strength and sense of balance within. I know that there will be some postures I’ll move into quicker than others—and there will be some that will take years to progress and perfect.

That’s okay. It gives me time to keep building that foundation and stability.

all things slow
The pace of life on Kaua’i is slow. Time passes, yet there is a stronger sense of calm. There is a sense that there is time for things. I’m not worried I won’t have time for this or that. I wake up early and work. I go to Bikram yoga. I eat well. Sometimes I cook. I go to the beach and surf if the waves are good, and I read (or nap) in the sun if they’re not.

Every day in yoga I am reminded that I am not only building a foundation for class, but I am building one for my life. In everything that I am doing right now, the foundation is the key.

  • In yoga, for a strong connection between the mind and body.
  • For a new career, to lay the groundwork for abundance.
  • To gain the ability to balance (and stay) on top of a moving, fiberglass board.
  • And to build a strong marriage that will weather the tides of life.
P1040252

relaxing into our future

relaxing into the process
Relaxing into the process—whether it happens in a day, a month or over years—allows the foundation to settle.

I am learning to relax into life (instead of pushing and attempting to exert control over it). I believe that when our foundation is strong; that when we create a solid vision for ourselves; that we can then relax and breathe steady. We have the ability to allow our foundation to guide us into the next phase of the process—where ever it may take us.

And if we falter, or change direction, we have a solid foundation upon which to land.

 

October 28, 2009

a yoga journey begins

Posted by Amy C under life experiences, setting goals, trail running, transitions, yoga | Tags: , , , |
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Here in Kaua’i I have one main fitness goal: to begin a yoga journey. I want to increase my flexibility for climbing. I want more core strength and mental focus. So for the next six months, I have committed to going to yoga six days a week (every day but Sunday). Our days are scheduled around it. And it helps that both Bracken and I are embarking on this journey together, as there’s no waffling when one or the other is feeling too tired or not in the mood to go to class—we go to yoga at noon every day. That’s it. No question.

I’ve done yoga before—Bikram, Corepower, yoga with weights, yoga for relaxation—but I’ve never gone more than two or three times a week at the most (and usually struggled to maintain a once-a-week routine). And I’d never gone two days in a row.

Today is my 18th day on the island and will be my 15th day of yoga. I’ve had mixed results. As a runner, my flexibility is extremely compromised. I notice it most in my hamstrings, but my back and neck are pretty stiff as well.

While I credit my once-a-week yoga practice back in 2004 for keeping me injury-free during my first marathon (February 2005), I began to think that combining long-distance running with yoga was tricky business. More often than I’d want, I would notice tweaks and pains in my knees and hips during a run after a yoga session. I have no scientific proof or resources to back up this theory, but I feel like the yoga was doing its job and stretching my muscles, but that my muscles didn’t have the time to strengthen along with the flexibility, and were so loose, that they were actually more at risk for injury.

I believe the two can (and likely quite beautifully) work together and complement each other, but it needs to be done slowly. I didn’t take the time to build that strength and flexibility back in Boulder.

So here in Hawaii, I’ve started developing a plan (always subject to change, of course). I’ve opted to focus on Bikram. I enjoy the heat and the familiarity of the postures. I may do a few other classes here and there, but will be predominantly focused on the Bikram series.

I have not gone on a run since I’ve been here, and plan to wait another couple of weeks. I want to take the time to gain some flexibility and strength before introducing the repetitive jarring of running back into my routine. And since running is not my primary goal here, it feels like the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the rest and allow myself to work back up to long distances slowly.

I don’t want to lose my current fitness level, but I do think it’ll be worth the small step back to incorporate more flexibility into my running form. When I do begin to run again, I plan to begin as though I’ve never run. One or two miles to start. And these will be slow miles. I want my body to build its strength while maintaining the flexibility and openness that yoga is providing.

Maybe in another few months I’ll be up to running 5 – 10 miles regularly, but my intention is to keep to this (admittedly painfully slow) plan. I miss running!

However, yoga is teaching me many, many wonderful things—about life, about fitness and about the journey toward a truly healthy body. Stay tuned for more posts on my yoga journey.

 

January 11, 2009

a year of possibility. a year for creating abundance.

Posted by Amy C under setting goals | Tags: , |
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2009 is going to be a big year. I’m getting married in July. Sometime soon after the wedding, we’re planning to take off for a year of traveling around the U.S. And I plan to create an income this year that is the result of hard work and genuine passion for what I am doing.

These are things that I expect to happen this year that are important and meaningful. How I go about experiencing them, however, is up to me. How do I want to approach them? How do I plan to create the environment for a job, a wedding, a marriage and an adventure that will be an authentic reflection of who I am and of who I want to become?

setting my goals
Along with the majority of the world, I enjoy the sense of ‘newness’ the beginning of the year brings. It’s full of potential, forgiveness and hope. I love the idea of a fresh start; the idea of leaving behind the things that are no longer serving me; looking forward to creating a space for new habits, new experiences and a new perspective on the world I inhabit.

The truth is (and we all know this), we don’t need a date on the calendar to accomplish change. Yet we wait for January 1st to come. We put off changes we want to make in October so we can “start the year fresh” come January. Although we don’t need it, it somehow seems easier to manage in January.

collective energy
I love the energy that comes from millions of resolutions in the air around me. I love that sense of palpable determination and conviction; the freshness it all seems to give the air outside. At this time of year, everyone seems to be talking about making changes: becoming better at photography, running or playing chess; being nicer to strangers; making healthier lifestyle choices; saving money for a dream home. Or first home. This external motivation is invigorating and validating.

Setting annual goals and reassessing progress each year is important. We need the space and time 12 months allows, to assess how our stated goals and resolutions are working for us. Did I reach my goal? If not, have I made progress? Did I give up? When? Why? (It could be it was no longer relevant.) Has anything in my life changed that might change the goal? Is this goal still important to me? Annual assessments are wonderful at charting our course and helping to keep us on track.

Even more important is to check in every few weeks, or months. Finding out you haven’t lost any weight in a year when you had hoped to lose 100 isn’t very helpful and will most likely lead to disappointment… without any information as to why you didn’t accomplish your goal. (Was it your choice of diet? exercise? motivation?)

A check-in every few months will help make sure you’re still moving in a direction that makes sense. And one of the most important things to realize is if we miss that magical January 1st date, it’s okay. It’s not too late. Be aware. It’s easy to feed off the cynical and negative aspects of the New Year’s Resolution. “I won’t stick to it.” “I don’t have any this year because they never work.” “I gave up after a week last year. It’s not worth it.” You’ve heard them. Maybe you’ve said them. I know I have.

The secret to managing successful goals is to make them flexible. Create realistic goals. (Are you really going to save $20,000 to travel the world for six months by June when you have $10,000 in credit card debt today? If you are, please send me your secret.) Take your time and enjoy the process. It’s your goal, so you get to set when they begin and end. You know when it makes sense to keep going and when it’s better to let a particular goal go.

Sticking to your goals is hard work. The more specific they are, the easier to reach. (I.e., “I’m going to get into better shape this year” doesn’t work nearly as well as, “I’m going to sign up and run a 10K in May. And to do that, I’m going to run 3x a week with my co-worker, Jeff.”

Something new to think about.
Along with a few very tangible goals I set each year (one of these days, I swear I will floss my teeth on a regular basis and eat fruits and veggies every day), I also take time to sit still and allow particular goals and feelings to come to me. Words that continue to appear in my thoughts are noticed. (It’s amazing how often certain ones appear.) These words inspire and motivate me every time I think of them. They resonate with a greater sense of “rightness” than others do. For me, 2008 was a year of risk and wonder.

This year, my words are: Possibility and Abundance.

Because I took risks in 2008, I was able to take time and lay some groundwork for 2009. I rested. I did a lot of thinking and writing about the direction I want my life to take. I interviewed people with jobs I was thinking about. So here, at the beginning of 2009, I feel an energy around me that speaks of possibilities. I feel a world before me—open and vast—and I am ready to begin moving into it, exploring each moment along the way, every opportunity that presents itself. My mind is ready to recognize what feels right and what doesn’t. The possibilities are endless.

2008 was also a year of frugality and careful budgeting. I ended the comfort of a steady income, and it’s been more challenging to create something new than I expected (the general state of the economy not helping). And although I didn’t receive a paycheck on January 1st (darn it), I know that the work I did toward the end of the year will pan out soon. There have been many lessons I’ve learned (some pretty humbling) that I am confident will help me continue to manage my budget. I am looking at what I have today, as opposed to what I think I am missing.

And I have faith that the universe is looking out for me and that abundance will come in many forms. An abundance of love and community. An abundance of financial wealth and freedom. And an abundance of energy and spirit.

What are your goals for 2009? What do you want to focus on this year? What words resonate and speak to you?

 

December 1, 2008

integration

Posted by Amy C under life experiences, setting goals | Tags: , , |
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Every birthday, I take stock of the previous year and set goals for ‘my’ year ahead. Over the past year, with so many changes on the horizon, I’d been feeling out of touch with my past selves… the violinist, the ballet dancer, the girl on the pom squad, the college girl, the seamstress, the scrapbooker, the choral singer, the one afraid of hiking too far, the girl who couldn’t bike up a short hill, the girl who thought running 5 miles was a loooong way… 


As I have moved forward into the woman I am today, I seem to shed the old skin of yesterday to make room for today and tomorrow. To create room for the new, I have, at times, stripped away more of the past than I’d wanted. I’ve tried to ‘pick and choose’ the past moments I keep around, hoping to shed the regrets, the shameful/tactless moments and choices, the embarrassments, the identities I don’t relate to much anymore, and to keep all the joyful, generous and graceful moments (ah, but wouldn’t that be nice?).

Alas, all of these ‘selves’ are important and still very much a part of who I am today. They have all been a part of the journey into the woman I have become (and am becoming). 

My goal for this year is to work on integrating the dismissed and ignored moments and selves of my past into my present, with the objective of accepting ALL of me (warts and all) as I take the opportunity to shed a new layer of skin and create a newer, further evolved self–this one wiser, stronger, more courageous and graceful.

However, I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to accomplish this seemingly monumental task of integration.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I finally got around to signing onto facebook, and all of a sudden, {WHAM!!} people from all stages of my past have appeared, triggering a rush of memories and emotions. 

It continually amazes me how often setting intentions, unlocking doors and opening your eyes can work together to manifest and create exactly what you’re looking for.

I am no longer afraid to peer into my past. I am not that girl anymore, and I am excited to explore, through new and older (and more mature) eyes, the relationships, actions and choices I made in my younger days. I am interested to objectively see myself and accept myself more fully and deeply.

And I am so very grateful for the opportunity to fully integrate my past ‘me’ into my present self.

 

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